She was a striking New Zealand figure competitor who died suddenly at 41, leaving five children without the centre of their world. Now, Raechelle Chase's eldest child shares the pain of not knowing why she died and tells Nadine Roberts why helping to raise her siblings has left little time to grieve.
It wasn't supposed to be this way.
She's 25, but Anna Chase seems older than the mother she's not long buried - controlled and measured as she deals with the practicalities of helping her dad raise a household.
Grief is not an option.
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Every moment, every minute has to be for them now, since Raechelle Chase, 41, was found dead at her Auckland home on October 6.
Since that day, Anna has become a mother figure to Kingston, 18, Dior-Rose, 17, Carlos, 7 and Jax, 8 - as well as raising her own four-year-old daughter, Savannah.
It's a huge responsibility, borne by the weary weight of her voice as she describes what life has been like in the last five months.
Anna's moved permanently into her Mum's home and will remain there with her Dad until her brothers and sisters fly the nest, even though that's not likely to be for another decade.
The family's a small close unit, with Anna's Nana dying the year before her daughter and little else in the way of close relatives.
"I'd rather honestly be devoting my time to helping everyone get through it," Anna says, "I feel like that's my role as a big sister."
Irreplaceable
It's 2012 and another existence.
Anna laughs at the camera her mother is taking snaps on. There's a pool, bubble foam, white arches in a garden and Raechelle smiling proudly at her then 13-year old daughter.
It's painful to watch.
As Anna's friends dance to a DJ at her birthday party, Raechelle is in the background, talking to a young man who has just walked in.
Then the DJ introduces the man as J.Williams, an R'n'B star of the era, amid a throng of stunned teenage girls.
As he sings, they dance, and shout lyrics back at him, incredulous at the dreamlike night Raechelle has made happen.
"Every birthday, every Christmas she just made so magical," Anna recalls sadly. "None of us knew how she managed to make things such a dream. It was just so extreme and they're memories we will never forget."
She's right. Raechelle's YouTube channel is littered with her children's birthday parties. Carlos's fifth birthday in 2010 was nothing short of a fantasy land, with a ferris wheel, spinning teacups, fairground attractions and a flamethrower.
Recently Dior-Rose had her 17th birthday. Although Anna did everything possible to make her feel as special as her Mum had, it didn't come close.
"I'm trying to learn from her and do the same for the kids…but it won't ever be the same."
A mother first
To the public, Raechelle Chase was a fitness guru and model - beautiful, poised and considered a social media influencer.
But that's not the woman her children recognise, or want you to know.
Although proud of her achievements and self-made success, Anna says family was her mother's priority.
In articles, television appearances and on social media, Raechelle always stated motherhood was her most important role.
Anna knows not being there for her children would be the one thing her mother wouldn't be able to accept.
"She'd just be devastated she left the little ones in the world without her because she really was their guidance."
By the time Raechelle had reached her forties, she'd accomplished more than most people in a lifetime.
She had studied early childhood education, computer technology, personal training and had worked in event management.
But it was figure competitions where Raechelle really excelled.
In 2011, she became the first Kiwi female to compete in The Olympia - a professional bodybuilding competition in Las Vegas.
At the time of her death, she had 1.4 million followers on Facebook, where she posted inspirational posts about staying fit as a single mum.
In recent years, she worked as a fitness model and influencer who offered online fitness mentoring.
She graced many fitness magazine covers, looking for all the world the epitome of clean living.
So it's hard for Anna to reconcile how someone who was fit and healthy with no underlying medical issues died without an obvious cause.
"We still haven't had any answers."
Shielding her siblings
On the day Raechelle was found, Anna had her little brother Jax at her house for a sleepover. Jax's dad picked him up that morning and took him to Raechelle's home. By the time he arrived, police were outside and he wasn't allowed in.
Raechelle had been found dead by a friend, who became concerned when she didn't answer the phone.
Back at Anna's home, her own phone rang. It was her stepdad.
"And he just said, yeah, Mum's gone…" she shakes her head. "And I don't actually remember how I reacted. I just remember that pain cry that you do… and frantically doing the washing."
Police have given no indication in the intervening months of what killed Raechelle, which is frustrating for Anna who has had to shield her siblings from rumours about their mum. She's hoping a Coroner's inquest will put a stop to the rumour mill and allow her mum the dignity she deserves.
Most hurtful of all was the social media abuse she received when she announced her mother's death weeks later, including people who did not know her family.
"We were all pretty distraught…" Anna says. "When you see things that are just so wrong you just want to defend that person."
She has done all she can to keep her siblings away from online bullying.
"What's on the internet, stays on the internet and when the younger ones grow up, they're going to see this stuff. That's what makes me think I've got to protect them as much as I can because God forbid they get this bullying as well."
Facing forward
It's a Monday afternoon and quiet in the Chase household, but in two hours it will soon get noisy as Anna's siblings arrive home.
Adaptation has been a word both she and her dad know intrinsically. As Anna and her daughter moved home, youngest brother Jax moved out to live with his dad - splitting the family.
Anna no longer works. Parenting her siblings is a full time role she has committed herself to.
She hopes her Mum would be proud of how her stoic daughter is trying to help her dad keep the family moving forward.
But it's not easy.
She masks her grief and cries in private. Raechelle will never be at her children's weddings or meet new grandchildren.
For Anna, adjusting is going to take some time.
"There's definitely days where things are just much more difficult."
This article originally appeared on Stuff and is republished here with permission.
